I Don’t Know Everything

I don’t know everything.

I know a lot of things, though. I know my blood type – it’s A+. My blood has good grades. Maybe, it reads in its free time. I thought my blood type was B- until I donated blood. Not that this was life changing information, anyways. I know the difference between royal blue and cornflower blue. I know about a solid amount of US history. I know things as a result of watching documentaries. I know two foods I don’t like – ketchup and maraschino cherries. And I just learned that I know how to spell “maraschino” because spell check didn’t change it for me.

I know these things, but I don’t know everything.

Well, I can google things. So, that helps. I can’t google everything, though.

I don’t know everything about the future. I don’t know where I’ll end up or what my life will be like. I don’t know if I’ll be content with life a year from now. I don’t know why some people treat others so unkindly. I don’t know why things fall apart. I don’t know why I can’t stop overanalyzing. People tell me it’s a problem that I have, but I have a hard time stopping myself. I don’t always know why people act the way they do. I don’t always know why people feel the way they do. I don’t know the answer to every question.

But I want to know everything. I want every answer that this world has to offer. I want to know why and why and why and why and why and why and why and why and why and why. I want to know what makes people the way they are. I want to know what inspires people and makes them want to get out of bed. I want to know why people make the decisions that they do. Why do you have a tattoo of a flower? Why do you never take that necklace off? Why are you obsessed with the TV show Friends? Seriously, why? It’s a sub par show at best. None of the characters have personalities. I want to know how people feel about me. I want to know what song lyrics mean, whether it’s “I swim for brighter days despite the absence of sun” (“Swim” by Jack’s Mannequin) or “Why you gotta fight with me at cheesecake? You know I love to go there.” (You don’t know what song this is from?)

The problem is wanting to know everything is that I am not always going to know everything. Not everything is as simple as “any number multiplied by zero equals zero” or “we’re friends because we get along well and you’re a pretty groovy person.” Sometimes, I don’t know.

I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t understand other people sometimes. I don’t comprehend how the universe works. Not everything can be googled or researched. Not everything has a documentary made about it.

I don’t know everything.

But I want to.

So, now what?

I guess I just accept not knowing.

How do I accept now knowing?

I don’t know.

We have come full circle.

I don’t know everything.

But do I need to know everything?

I know that people like me – love me, even. I know that I am in charge of my own life. I know that if I feel hurt, I can get over it and move on. I know that life is pretty beautiful. Life has sunsets and milkshakes and music. Those are pretty beautiful things. Life also has golden retrievers and beaches and books. I know that I have a lot of potential and I can do some great things. I know that I can make decisions for myself to live whatever life I want to live.

One more thing.

I know that I will be okay.


3 thoughts on “I Don’t Know Everything

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