I write a lot and enjoy doing so. I post on this blog weekly, but I have also been wanting to submit columns for potential publication online. Lately, I’ve had multiple writing ideas for both this blog and for columns to submit. They’re all in the notes section of my phone. But I haven’t been able to write lately.
Currently, I’m on winter break. I have a list of things I want and need to do during vacation, as well as reminders so I don’t forget. I want to read a lot of books. I want to watch Black Mirror on Netflix because I hear it’s a great show (I like it so far.) (I recognize that there’s something odd about adding netflix to a to do list; as if it’s a chore.) And then also, I want to write multiple columns and blog posts. I feel all of this pressure to do everything. Whenever I spend, say, 15 minutes thinking, I realize that I could have done something else with that time. I sit down with every intention of writing something, but I have a hard time doing it. So, I try to do something else – but I keep thinking about how I’m not accomplishing anything. I have the writing ideas, but not the inspiration. I know what I want to write about, but I still can’t do it.
I sit in bed and unlock my phone. I open the note titled “blog posts” with a list of ideas I’ve thought of. I have column ideas in other notes. I usually organize my scattered ideas into lists, causing duplicates. First on the list is “the revival of chokers.” I don’t even know what to write about this one. I guess it interests me that chokers came back into style about a year ago and have evolved. There are now chokers that can be tied around one’s neck, as well as rhinestoned and floral varieties. Then, there’s “thoughts on tomi lahren.” I often disagree with her, but she is interesting to me. Next on the list is “coming of age in the social media era (the fear of being made fun of online.)” These are all ideas that interested me enough at one point to type into my phone. And now, I find myself feeling too uninspired to go into further detail on any of these ideas.
It’s hard to force yourself to write. Writing should come from a spark of some sort. I should really want to write something, then do it. Right now, I’m typing this before leaving my house to go to a bowling alley. I feel a little sleepy.
I think I’ll feel more inspired to write if I just relax. I have to remind myself that it’s okay to sometimes feel this way. It’s so hard, though. I should be writing. It shouldn’t be this hard. I feel tired. I keep thinking about writing and how I should be doing more of it. Ideas aren’t columns, I remind myself.
What is the cure? Maybe, I should place my laptop and phone into another room. Then, I won’t be able to scroll through my notes of writing ideas or stare at an open word document. Or, I could meet up with a friend and focus on enjoying someone else’s company. I could also spend a day alone, doing something that I want to do. Perhaps, the best way to write is to try not to write.