Every time I write something, I strive to make it unique. If someone is taking the time to read it, I want it to be worthwhile. I look back on past pieces of writing and hate myself so much. I think, “That wasn’t even an original idea.” Or, I think it doesn’t make sense.
I bet there are writers who write articles like, “20 Reasons Why Pizza is Just SO Addicting” and “Why It’s Okay to be Single” and think they’re such good reads. They probably pride themselves on what great writers they are and tell people about it. I’d be embarrassed to write those articles. The former is horrible because loving pizza is overdone and “addicting”isn’t even a word. It’s addictive, people. The latter sounds awful because it’s generic and obvious. Of course it’s okay to be single????? It’s not a crime???? Duh????
Last month, I did stand up at an open mic. I talked about pajamas. My friend Tony came to see me and told me I was pretty funny. But also, he told others. My best friend Penny said that she heard I killed it. Last Friday night, two people mentioned it to me. On Saturday night, someone told me to tell jokes.
But when I think back to being on stage that night, I feel so stupid. I threw a pun in there. Puns have been done over and over again. Also, you know what I said before getting off the stage? “Okay, I’m going to get off the stage. Thanks for listening, guys.” What even was that? Who am I? What am I?
When it comes to humor, is there a person out there who tweets, “Facebook stalking is, like, the closest I get to human interaction” and thinks it’s hilarious? Because that’s not a very funny tweet. If I read it, I’d have to throw my phone away to recover.
Would my life be better if I thought I was better than I actually am? Those people might be delusional, but they’re content with themselves. Or, is my life better when I think I’m trying pretty hard, but there’s still a lot of people better than me? I’m often discouraged with myself, but at least I’m more realistic.
Is it better to be delusional or discouraged?
I’d sleep better at night if I was delusional. I’d love myself more, too. Maybe I’d even have more of a skip in my step. It’s tempting to be delusional. But it’s no way to live. Being satisfied with where you’re at stunts personal growth. If you don’t think you suck, you won’t want to get any better.
Also, being delusional makes you a bit of a joke because you’re mediocre and don’t even realize it. But everyone else does.
Maybe I’ll always be discouraged. That’s okay. I’ll just keep working hard.