The Food Video That Really Tested Me

One of two reasons I check Facebook is to read messages from random Indian dudes.

Screenshot 2016-01-21 18.55.17Screenshot 2016-01-21 18.58.31Screenshot 2016-01-21 18.48.25

The second reason is to watch those 30 second cooking videos. You know, the ones to make foods you have never really thought of making, but seem delicious. Mini cinnamon rolls. Chocolate peanut butter bars. Pizza monkey bread. S’mores dip.

It was all fun and games until SF Gate posted this one.

We took this trend too far.

The video begins with adding sprinkles to cookie dough. Sprinkles are never necessary. They look nice, but have no real taste. This might be hard to hear, but you would still be the exact same person you are today even if sprinkles didn’t exist. They play no role other than decoration. Sprinkles are like beautiful people that are boring to talk to. The only reason they were added to the dough was to make this video just a little more over the top than the other ones.

Then, oreos are placed on top of the cookie dough. UM. EXCUSE ME. There are two types of people – people that prefer oreos and people that prefer regular cookies. You can like both, but you probably have a preference. No wrong answer, but if you prefer oreos, you’re wrong.  We’re just going to put them both together?!

“Yeah, so team oreos and team old school cookies can enjoy a dessert together!” you might remark. No. I don’t want to have something in common with members of team oreos. They are of a lower class. They and I aren’t even members of the same society. We shouldn’t even occupy the same galaxy. They are primitive beings who have yet to learn how to appreciate the finer things in life. Members of team oreos probably use two in one shampoo and sleep on a bed without a mattress topper.

After that, brownie batter is poured on top. Ohhhhh. These are what everyone calls slutty brownies. A questionable name, but I mean, I didn’t come up with it.

The provocative dessert gets thrown in the oven. We’re done here, right? Can I can move on and try to recover now?

I just want to point out that because this disaster of a recipe has so many layers, nobody will see the sprinkles. Now, they REALLY serve no purpose.

After being pulled out of the oven, a ganache is poured on top.

Hold up.

Ganache is a chocolate glaze. It originates from France, making it really classy.

How are you going to take something as fancy as GANACHE and pour it on top of SLUTTY brownies?

That really happened.

It’s going to take a lot for me to be able to bring myself to watch another short cooking video on Facebook from now on.









One thought on “The Food Video That Really Tested Me

  1. That would make me mad too. What’s the point of having sprinkles if they aren’t even going to be seen ? Maybe it’s just the idea that they are there? I don’t get it either…. And the ganache poured on top of the slutty brownies just reminds me of how people try to be try to cover up how they really are. Ex: some hoe trying to play innocent. Lol I also very much enjoyed this simile “Sprinkles are like beautiful people that are boring to talk to.”


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