Our house got fumigated, so my sister, brother, and I had to kill four hours somehow. We went to the mall just for kicks, and then I suggested that we go to the Lush store for kicks as well.
Lush is an adventure. The store has all this natural beauty stuff. It is, as everyone says these days, lit.
We walked in. Yeah, we dragged my 14 – year – old brother in there as well. He hates us at least a little bit.
And then I looked at all the bath bombs. Bath bombs are geometric ball things that you throw into water and then they color the water, smell nice, etc. They’re a complete joke, but also the type of thing everyone should try once.
The employee showed me an ocean one. I thought, cool. Oceans. I love those. Very relatable. Then, she explained that when in water, seaweed comes out. Which is so unnecessary if you ask me. I don’t need a bath that’s a literal ocean, gosh.
Aren’t there forms of marine life that mainly eat seaweed? Should we be taking their food?
Okay you know what, I unfollowed someone on Twitter yesterday because she said something about how thanksgiving is a sad day for turkeys and all. I don’t really care about animals. Well, now I have to find another way to justify seaweed shaming.
I was told that the best selling bath bomb has a rose in the middle of it. It’s called Sex bomb, because that’s a reasonable name I guess. This is even worse than when I found out through reading the bottle that my shampoo “penetrates” my hair. So violating.
What makes the concept of bath bombs so funny is that often, they release glitter into a bath. This would be very cool looking, BUT THEN YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE GLITTER STUCK TO YOUR SKIN. Imagine the aesthetic, though. A picture of your glittery arm holding an ice cream cone. A picture of glittery thighs in front of a sunset. A picture of yourself with no makeup, just glitter all over your face.
I considered the glitter lifestyle for a nanosecond. But I couldn’t do it. I like being taken seriously, and that’s already hard when you’re a community college student that loves dancing alone and idolizes Guy Fieri. I don’t actually idolize Guy Fieri. Well. I mean. Let’s just not talk about it.
After stressing out harder than I should have, the employee asked me what type of bath I was hoping to experience. Even if I do idolize Guy Fieri, at least I’m not asking questions like that.
What type of bath I would like to…experience? I don’t know, one with water?
I said, “What are the options?” She replied, “You could have a bath that’s soothing, or invigorating, or uplifting…”
Apparently, uplifting baths are a thing. I guess one of Lush’s bath bombs, when in water, releases quotes like “Carpe diem” or something. I don’t know.
I responded, “I’d like a bath bomb without glitter.” Simple enough, right?
Nah. For some reason, THEY ALL HAVE AT LEAST A LITTLE GLITTER. That’s what I was told.
What a stressful thing to find out.
I ended up getting luxury lush pud. It has pretty colors, so it seemed like a solid choice.
Overall, I found out that the Lush store is a soulless place that I’ll probably go back to because there’s another bath bomb called pink that has flowers, which is so enticing.