So, I Don’t Really Care About Halsey

I tried.

I tried really hard to love Halsey’s music.

But it’s not happening, guys.

However, I’m going to write about it because

  • I really want to delve into lighthearted writing more. This piece of writing isn’t serious, like, at all.
  • I’ve been wanting to articulate my thoughts on Halsey in writing for over a month now.

For those of you who haven’t heard – Halsey is this up and coming musician that has captured the heart of every edgy individual out there. She has had blue hair, short hair, long hair, short blue hair, and long blue hair. She writes her own music. And then there’s her tweets. Like, OMG. Halsey’s tweets are literally me.

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The #relatable ness of this is through the roof.

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I mean, I’m pretty sure you have enough money to go anyways considering the impressive size of your fan base. But okay.

There’s other tweets, but my mom reads this blog.

Why did  I try so hard to love Halsey? BECAUSE EVERYONE WAS TALKING ABOUT HER and some of her tweets were funny, and I love discovering new music so, ya know, I thought I’d have a new obsession THEN I LOOKED HER UP AND FELT SO SAD LIKE OH G DARN IT I THOUGHT SHE’D BE GOOD.

But you know me, I’m a nice gal. So, I gave her a chance and listened to her debut album Badlands.

I listened to “Hurricane.” It’s so trippy sounding, but the lyrics fail to deliver authenticity. “Don’t belong to no city / don’t belong to no man.”….wow. Such edginess. I can only dream of being this cool. Then, she calls herself a hurricane. Man, I can only dream of being this crazy. So cool. Wow. Very cool. The cooliest.

And of course, I’ve got to talk about the chorus of “New Americana.”

Halsey sang “We are the new americana / high on legal marijuana / raised on biggie and nirvana” like as if all of those things coexisted. I googled it, and:

  • Kurt Cobain died 1994
  • Biggie died in 1997
  • Colorado and Washington legalized marijuana in 2012

I guess she needed something that rhymed with marijuana. But there are some alternatives that make more sense:

  • High on legal marijuana / tripping out in a sauna
  • High on legal marijuana / listening to del Rey, Lana
  • High on legal marijuana / watching soccer and supporting Ghana
  • High on legal marijuana / getting my potassium from this banana (you have to mispronounce banana a little, but it works.)

The youtube comments on her videos are all like, “WHEN SHE SAYS ‘I THINK THERE’S A FLAW IN MY CODE’ MY HEART SKIPS A BEAT” or “Halsey’s voice revived me”

And I’m over here like…so, we’re not going to talk about how autotuned her voice sounds?

Because if you guys won’t say it, I will. Her voice is freaking autotuned. Come on, guys.

Alright, I have officially ran out of things to make fun of regarding Halsey. Actually, one more thing – her name.

It’s actually Ashley, but she explained in this interview that ‘Halsey’ comes from the fact that a guy she knew lived on Halsey street in Brooklyn.

You guys.

She took the term “street name” literally.

Why.

Okay, I’m done now.

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